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adversarial adversaria (a collection of sorts)

by generation no

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gryppdongus
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1.
awkward position 03:36
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(a collaboration between richardkellermusic.com and I that has yet to reach its climax) maybe if I face the wall It will work better maybe the awkwardness then will just fade away it’s probably just a phase just tell me tell me what i should move should move to get better access to you maybe if you face the wall it will work better maybe if turned upside down we’ll work it all out it’s probably just a phase just tell me tell me what i should move should move to get better access to you i don’t mind a leg cramp or two so long as we’re still standing i don’t mind consulting a book or hourly professional to get through this it’s probably just a phase just tell me tell me what i should move, should move to get better access to you
2.
it could be 04:04
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I ain’t got no money for the stupid games you play barely got the money to get me through the day I need a shot of rum in my coffee, okay, pepsi bottle filled with wine I’m writing all the time Diet coke, cigarettes, take the train and look depressed Bouncing between different homes and I’m still without a job 20 buck secondhand f21 dress I can wear in my coffin artist I’m dying all the time It could be beautiful it could be amazing it could be everything you ever wanted cant you taste it? I ain’t got no money for the maquillage I procure why’d he give me hands, if god didn’t want me to score I need a shot of gin out of my powerpuff girl flask Thecla said she’s got a hook-up if only I would ask kiss, I’m asking all the time It could be beautiful it could be amazing it could be everything you ever wanted cant you taste it? can’t you taste it? We’re in a parking lot in her boyfriend’s car I’m writing all the time Isn’t that your guy? He looks real strung out? Don’t worry, babe, she says, there’s nothing to worry about I’m dying all the time It could be beautiful it could be amazing it could be everything you ever wanted can’t you taste it?
3.
untitled 03:09
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(a collaboration between me and shadow of a skyline when i was 16, done entirely through myspace) i see u across the room i can't take my eyes off of you it's like a disease Why do you play the sick games you do attraction is hardly a sin but let's face it, you're taunting hardcore i should remain composed but i can't when you're alone rare is the opportunity, you're without her NO ONE HAS TO KNOW I can't take this anymore I need you now, i'm a druggie you're my fix, so come on and fix me everyone needs a vice, just mine i don't possess it's so extremely unfair that for her you willingly undress give me just a little time a few moments with me i think that i could get you begging on your KNEES NO ONE HAS TO KNOW Oh, baby no one has to know NO ONE HAS TO KNOW i see u across the room i can't take my eyes off of you it's like a disease and no one has to know so what are you waiting for? what are you waiting for?
4.
out with the out crowd 03:42
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catch me up tear me down im in with the out crowd now dont you see what you do to me fuck it all; the higher you are the more it hurts when you fall the more it hurts when they stop calling i don't need you now and i never did before please dont tell me that i'm not cool enough for you because we both know that i'm all i'll ever be and i appreciate you trying to change me though it sucks that you didn't succeed capital 'L' with your loser Your words sting Still I wish I was one of you users what the hell do you do to me fuck it all; i'll always be awkward and in the wrong and you fucking knew that all along, and i was going to be something i'm not peer pressure rocks peer pressure rocks but i couldn't change my geeky ways i couldn't be something fake i swear i'm gonna break if you don't stop judging me
5.
experiments in the revival of organisms 02:06
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Up against the tide up against the wall it's always how it goes but you won't find me fighting i've already forgotten why, who even knows I can't remember where I was last night I can't remember who I kissed that night I can't remember anything and that's the way I like it lately I can't remember what I said in sixth grade when my teacher asked me Who do you wanna be? Someone who doesn't have to be here I'm passed out ass out on the couch I went to college for some reason, probably got the idea from a sitcom I'm working in a cubicle and scanning Craigslist for someone to come on my tits cause I feel a little less alone when someone comes around I can't remember where I was last night I can't remember who I kissed that night I can't remember anything and that's the way I like it lately I can't remember what started the war I can't remember the last book I read I can't remember anything except the static plowing through my head
6.
sacrilegious (part 1) 02:50
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Let’s start now let’s start now with wormwood and snake venom nothing else nothing else you’ve created a new legend Let’s start now let’s start now for this reason I kneel and nothing else nothing else nothing could change the way you feel clutch your rosary so tightly your hands bleed holding on to something that’s so vague, but at least it makes you feel okay I could burn I could burn I could burn you alive need to learn need to learn that it’s only me and you can’t provide salvation that it’s only me on whom I can depend Let’s stop now let’s stop now in retrospect stories are useful but after all, after all they’re only parables when you deify the stumbling man, it will always lead to disappointment and I’m disappointed I could burn I could burn I could burn you alive need to learn need to learn that it’s only me and you can’t provide salvation that it’s only me on whom I can depend
7.
shoot the messenger 03:31
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(a collaboration with shadow of a skyline when i was 16 on myspace) I've got so much to give Just who do you think you are, The puppet master Pulling me along, like a little doll, At Your beck-and-call I've lived this life Oh, why, oh, why Oh, why, oh, why No, no more White-face, dark eyes filled with innocence No, no more Locking me away When you're through with the game Life's a stage But down is the curtain, Sir puppet master Pulling me along, like a little doll, At Your beck-and-call I've lived this life Oh, why, oh, why Oh, why, oh, why No more, No more, No more You're in your place With make-up on your face I can see that You've memorized all your lines Poetic pause to utter perfection Cue the Lights, Rising star that knows no roofs I'm left in your dust Left wading through stardust your stardust, your stardust I suppose you forgot about me? your stardust, your stardust I suppose you forgot about me? I've got so much to give Just who do you think you are The puppet master Pulling me along, like a little doll, At Your beck-and-call I've lived this life Oh, why, oh, why Oh, why, oh, why No, no more White-face, dark eyes filled with innocence No, no more Locking me away When you're through with the game Life's a stage But down is the curtain, Sir puppet master Pulling me along, like a little doll, At Your beck-and-call I've lived this life Oh, why, oh, why Oh, why, oh, why No more, No more, No more The reviews are in and I think Your performance was overrated You flaunt your evil But life's not a melodrama I've got so much to give But you never gave me a chance Just who do you think you are, The puppet master? Just who do you think you are, The puppet master?
8.
ideal poseur 04:07
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Keep it in cycles My wonderful denial Screw you; I’m not anything like them Tell me you understand That’s all I ever wanted So you can be misunderstood, the bad not the good, and against everything you should be Chorus: Bang, bang, bang Goes my heart to your beat Can’t speak, too busy eating my feet You’re illusion and you lie But that’s okay, honesty Never set too well with me So just tell me what I wanna hear And I can get through another year Even though you’re pretty Your life is truly shitty I’m drooling for your lines like Pavlov’s dog You’ll lead the rebellion As you’re counting your millions Get out your guns and have a little fun, even if you’re not the lonely ones, because Chorus Tell me again Just who you really are Tell me again You’re the answer to my wish on that star My life is so void and in your words I find comfort As false as it may be, disconnected with reality You poser, you’re not a freak Like me You poser, you’re not a freak Like me Chorus So you can be misunderstood, the bad not the good, and against everything you should be Get out your guns and have a little fun, even if you’re not the lonely ones, because Chorus
9.
grayson 04:28
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Grayson’s an Oklahoma boy born and raised in his southern state He keeps his Bible in his drawer (Drawers are notorious for Keeping the things you wanna hide from the world) Grayson’s a good little boy He does what his mama says Grayson’s seventeen-years-old He’s ruled by his libido (He begged me to come and see him Despite our conflicting inclinations) Kill the fags I don’t care I’m perfectly fine I like it here Little girl I’ll keep you safe I know the rules I heard ‘em on tv Brian just wanted answers wanted someone to understand And I hesitantly fulfilled The role of the kindred spirit (The internet’s notorious for Tricking you into providing moral support) Brian found god And then he lost me Brian got brave enough to talk And then he lost me (Not bitter, just slightly confused How do you go from being needed to needing someone to want you?) Take me home I don’t care apparently I’m missing something here Little girl I’ll keep you safe I know the rules My pastor read ‘em to me I could delve into armchair psychology right now and figure out why my humility and rationality seem to be at war but instead I’m just gonna head for the door because faith is a pesky little thing and love is a dirty little word and brian never meant anything to me and that’s why seeing grayson slip away hurts I don’t know I don’t know Is that all you can say? I don’t know I don’t know Hey, look, it’s moral decay I don’t know I don’t know I don’t need another Brian I don’t know I don’t know Come on, Grayson, form your own opinions You don’t have to agree with mine Just know
10.
an apology to those i loved and left behind 02:48
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This is a fairy tale This is a lullaby This is for Astrophil This is for you and I'm Sorry I couldn't stick around Sorry the sky kept falling down You'll have an umbrella now, son I can't make up for all the things I've done I am an astronaut I won't even bat an eye I am a threaded knot It breaks my heart when you cry Sorry I couldn't stick around Sorry I'm only realizing now The night has always been my enemy But happiness is shining right in front of me I hope you never doubt How beautiful you are I hope when the sun is out You can still see the stars I hope you understand Me better through this mess I'm not poetic at all Just a man under duress I hope you understand I'd do anything for you I wasn't perfect but I loved her and I loved you I wasn't perfect but I'm finally making peace Let's start the show, I'm ready to go Happiness is shining right in front of me
11.
together 05:39
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12.
wake up 03:40
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Wake up little beauty wake up wake up listen to me wake up everything's unraveling everything's unraveling there's gravel in your boots so tell me what's the use in traveling? You don't know where you're going kid and nobody likes callouses please don't find this callous but there's nothing out there that ain't been did the ocean has been felt a thousand times before even historians beat you to the punch the most banging girl in the whole universe has been fucked by any man in love plastic trees don't die they just breed contempt in their suburban homes where they absorb myths and asbestos and it's gotten you too everything's unraveling everything's unraveling there's gravel in your boots so tell me what's the use in traveling? You don't know where you're going kid and nobody likes callouses please don't find this callous but there's nothing out there that ain't been did Wake up little beauty wake up wake up listen to me wake up nobody's seen the sun through your eyes nobody's seen the sun through your eyes nobody's seen the sun through your eyes nobody's seen the sun through your eyes so open them wide, rise and shine!
13.
unnamed son 01:54
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14.
Goodluck 03:18
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about

a collection of songs i've had lying around

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released July 18, 1990

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generation no image

generation no Waco, Texas

"you must be ready to burn yourself in your own flame;
how could you rise anew if you have not first become ashes?"
-nietzche

"a singer-songwriter who can neither sing nor write songs."
-generation no

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