adversarial adversaria (a collection of sorts)

by generation no

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about

a collection of songs i've had lying around

credits

released July 18, 1990

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about

generation no Waco, Texas

"you must be ready to burn yourself in your own flame;
how could you rise anew if you have not first become ashes?"
-nietzche

"a singer-songwriter who can neither sing nor write songs."
-generation no

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Track Name: awkward position
(a collaboration between richardkellermusic.com and I that has yet to reach its climax)


maybe if I face the wall
It will work better
maybe the awkwardness
then will just fade away

it’s probably just a phase
just tell me tell me what i should move should move
to get better access to you

maybe if you face the wall
it will work better
maybe if turned upside down
we’ll work it all out

it’s probably just a phase
just tell me tell me what i should move should move
to get better access to you

i don’t mind a leg cramp or two
so long as we’re still standing
i don’t mind consulting a book or
hourly professional to get through this

it’s probably just a phase
just tell me tell me what i should move, should move
to get better access to you
Track Name: it could be
I ain’t got no money for the stupid games you play
barely got the money to get me through the day
I need a shot of rum in my coffee, okay, pepsi bottle filled with wine
I’m writing all the time

Diet coke, cigarettes, take the train and look depressed
Bouncing between different homes and I’m still without a job
20 buck secondhand f21 dress I can wear in my coffin
artist I’m dying all the time

It could be beautiful
it could be amazing
it could be everything you ever wanted
cant you taste it?

I ain’t got no money for the maquillage I procure
why’d he give me hands, if god didn’t want me to score
I need a shot of gin out of my powerpuff girl flask
Thecla said she’s got a hook-up if only I would ask
kiss, I’m asking all the time

It could be beautiful
it could be amazing
it could be everything you ever wanted
cant you taste it?
can’t you taste it?

We’re in a parking lot
in her boyfriend’s car
I’m writing all the time
Isn’t that your guy?
He looks real strung out?
Don’t worry, babe, she says,
there’s nothing to worry about
I’m dying all the time

It could be beautiful
it could be amazing
it could be everything you ever wanted
can’t you taste it?
Track Name: untitled
(a collaboration between me and shadow of a skyline when i was 16, done entirely through myspace)

i see u across the room
i can't take my eyes off of you
it's like a disease


Why do you play the sick games
you do
attraction is hardly a sin
but let's face it, you're taunting
hardcore
i should remain composed
but i can't when you're alone
rare is the opportunity, you're without her

NO ONE HAS TO KNOW

I can't take this anymore
I need you now, i'm a druggie
you're my fix, so come on and fix me
everyone needs a vice,
just mine i don't possess
it's so extremely unfair
that for her you willingly undress
give me just a little time
a few moments with me
i think that i could get you
begging on your KNEES

NO ONE HAS TO KNOW
Oh, baby no one has to know
NO ONE HAS TO KNOW


i see u across the room
i can't take my eyes off of you
it's like a disease

and no one has to know

so what are you waiting for?
what are you waiting for?
Track Name: out with the out crowd
catch me up
tear me down
im in with the out crowd now
dont you see
what you do to me
fuck it all; the higher you are
the more it hurts when you fall
the more it hurts when they stop calling


i don't need you now
and i never did before
please dont tell me that
i'm not cool enough for you
because we both know that
i'm all i'll ever be
and i appreciate you trying to change me
though it sucks that you didn't succeed

capital
'L' with your loser
Your words sting
Still I wish I was one of you users
what the hell
do you do to me
fuck it all; i'll always be awkward
and in the wrong
and you fucking knew that all along, and

i was going to be
something i'm not
peer pressure rocks
peer pressure rocks
but i couldn't change
my geeky ways
i couldn't be something
fake
i swear i'm gonna break
if you don't stop judging me
Track Name: experiments in the revival of organisms
Up against the tide
up against the wall
it's always how it goes
but you won't find me fighting
i've already forgotten
why, who even knows

I can't remember where I was last night
I can't remember who I kissed that night
I can't remember anything and
that's the way I like it lately
I can't remember what I said in sixth grade
when my teacher asked me
Who do you wanna be?

Someone who doesn't have to be here

I'm passed out ass out on the couch
I went to college for some reason,
probably got the idea from a sitcom
I'm working in a cubicle and
scanning Craigslist for someone
to come on my tits
cause I feel a little less alone when someone comes around

I can't remember where I was last night
I can't remember who I kissed that night
I can't remember anything and
that's the way I like it lately
I can't remember what started the war
I can't remember the last book I read
I can't remember anything except the static plowing through my head
Track Name: sacrilegious (part 1)
Let’s start now
let’s start now
with wormwood and snake venom
nothing else
nothing else
you’ve created a new legend

Let’s start now
let’s start now
for this reason I kneel
and nothing else
nothing else
nothing could change the way you feel

clutch your rosary so tightly your hands bleed
holding on to something that’s so vague, but at least it makes you feel okay

I could burn
I could burn
I could burn you alive
need to learn
need to learn
that it’s only me and you can’t provide salvation
that it’s only me on whom I can depend

Let’s stop now
let’s stop now
in retrospect stories are useful
but after all,
after all
they’re only parables

when you deify the stumbling man, it will always lead to disappointment
and I’m disappointed

I could burn
I could burn
I could burn you alive
need to learn
need to learn
that it’s only me and you can’t provide salvation
that it’s only me on whom I can depend
Track Name: shoot the messenger
(a collaboration with shadow of a skyline when i was 16 on myspace)

I've got so much to give

Just who do you think you are,
The puppet master
Pulling me along, like a little doll, At
Your beck-and-call
I've lived this life
Oh, why, oh, why
Oh, why, oh, why
No, no more
White-face, dark eyes
filled with innocence
No, no more
Locking me away
When you're through
with the game
Life's a stage
But down is the curtain,
Sir puppet master
Pulling me along, like a little doll, At
Your beck-and-call
I've lived this life
Oh, why, oh, why
Oh, why, oh, why
No more, No more, No more


You're in
your place
With make-up on your face
I can
see that
You've memorized all your lines

Poetic
pause to
utter
perfection
Cue the
Lights, Rising
star that knows no roofs
I'm left
in your
dust
Left wading through stardust
your stardust, your stardust
I suppose you forgot about me?
your stardust, your stardust
I suppose you forgot about me?

I've got so much to give

Just who do you think you are
The puppet master
Pulling me along, like a little doll, At
Your beck-and-call
I've lived this life
Oh, why, oh, why
Oh, why, oh, why
No, no more
White-face, dark eyes
filled with innocence
No, no more
Locking me away
When you're through
with the game
Life's a stage
But down is the curtain,
Sir puppet master
Pulling me along, like a little doll, At
Your beck-and-call
I've lived this life
Oh, why, oh, why
Oh, why, oh, why
No more, No more, No more

The reviews are in and I think
Your performance was overrated

You flaunt your evil
But life's not a melodrama

I've got so much to give
But you never gave me a chance

Just who do you think you are,
The puppet master?

Just who do you think you are,
The puppet master?
Track Name: ideal poseur
Keep it in cycles
My wonderful denial
Screw you; I’m not anything like them

Tell me you understand
That’s all I ever wanted
So you can be misunderstood, the bad not the good, and against everything you should be

Chorus:
Bang, bang, bang
Goes my heart to your beat
Can’t speak, too busy eating my feet
You’re illusion and you lie
But that’s okay, honesty
Never set too well with me
So just tell me what I wanna hear
And I can get through another year

Even though you’re pretty
Your life is truly shitty
I’m drooling for your lines like Pavlov’s dog

You’ll lead the rebellion
As you’re counting your millions
Get out your guns and have a little fun, even if you’re not the lonely ones, because

Chorus

Tell me again
Just who you really are
Tell me again
You’re the answer to my wish on that star

My life is so void and in your words I find comfort
As false as it may be, disconnected with reality
You poser, you’re not a freak
Like me
You poser, you’re not a freak
Like me

Chorus
So you can be misunderstood, the bad not the good, and against everything you should be
Get out your guns and have a little fun, even if you’re not the lonely ones, because

Chorus
Track Name: grayson
Grayson’s an Oklahoma boy
born and raised in his southern state
He keeps his Bible in his drawer
(Drawers are notorious for
Keeping the things you wanna hide from the world)

Grayson’s a good little boy
He does what his mama says
Grayson’s seventeen-years-old
He’s ruled by his libido
(He begged me to come and see him
Despite our conflicting inclinations)

Kill the fags
I don’t care
I’m perfectly fine
I like it here
Little girl
I’ll keep you safe
I know the rules
I heard ‘em on tv
Brian just wanted answers
wanted someone to understand
And I hesitantly fulfilled
The role of the kindred spirit
(The internet’s notorious for
Tricking you into providing moral support)
Brian found god
And then he lost me
Brian got brave enough to talk
And then he lost me
(Not bitter, just slightly confused
How do you go from being needed to needing someone to want you?)
Take me home
I don’t care
apparently I’m missing something here
Little girl
I’ll keep you safe
I know the rules
My pastor read ‘em to me
I could delve into armchair psychology
right now and figure out why my humility
and rationality seem to be at war
but instead I’m just gonna head for the door
because faith is a pesky little thing and love is a dirty little word
and brian never meant anything to me and that’s why seeing grayson slip away hurts
I don’t know I don’t know
Is that all you can say?
I don’t know I don’t know
Hey, look, it’s moral decay
I don’t know I don’t know
I don’t need another Brian
I don’t know I don’t know
Come on, Grayson, form your own opinions
You don’t have to agree with mine
Just know
Track Name: an apology to those i loved and left behind
This is a fairy tale
This is a lullaby
This is for Astrophil
This is for you and I'm

Sorry I couldn't stick around
Sorry the sky kept falling down
You'll have an umbrella now, son
I can't make up for all the things I've done

I am an astronaut
I won't even bat an eye
I am a threaded knot
It breaks my heart when you cry

Sorry I couldn't stick around
Sorry I'm only realizing now
The night has always been my enemy
But happiness is shining right in front of me

I hope you never doubt
How beautiful you are
I hope when the sun is out
You can still see the stars

I hope you understand
Me better through this mess
I'm not poetic at all
Just a man under duress

I hope you understand
I'd do anything for you
I wasn't perfect but
I loved her and I loved you

I wasn't perfect but
I'm finally making peace
Let's start the show, I'm ready to go
Happiness is shining right in front of me
Track Name: wake up
Wake up
little beauty
wake up
wake up
listen to me
wake up

everything's unraveling
everything's unraveling
there's gravel in your boots
so tell me what's the use in traveling?
You don't know where you're going kid
and nobody likes callouses
please don't find this callous but there's nothing out there
that ain't been did

the ocean has been felt a thousand times before
even historians beat you to the punch
the most banging girl in the whole universe
has been fucked by any man in love
plastic trees don't die they just breed contempt
in their suburban homes where they absorb myths
and asbestos and it's gotten you too

everything's unraveling
everything's unraveling
there's gravel in your boots
so tell me what's the use in traveling?
You don't know where you're going kid
and nobody likes callouses
please don't find this callous but there's nothing out there
that ain't been did

Wake up
little beauty
wake up
wake up
listen to me
wake up

nobody's seen the sun through your eyes
nobody's seen the sun through your eyes
nobody's seen the sun through your eyes
nobody's seen the sun through your eyes
so open them wide, rise and shine!